A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

Directed By - Samuel Bayer

Starring:
Jackie Earle Haley 
Rooney Mara
Thomas Dekker
A Bunch Of Other People You Wont Care About

Plot: The kids of Elm Street start having nightmares about the same man.  If you die in your dream you are dead for real.

Review:

"If Nancy doesn't wake up screaming, she wont wake up at all"

That was the original tag line for 1984's A Nightmare on Elm Street, written and directed by Wes Craven.  At its time the movie was one of the most original and truly scary horror films.  With Halloween and Friday the 13th already sucked into the remake machine of hell, Freddy was just there for the taking.  Problem is if you spent money on this thinking it would even be remotely as scary as the original then I am afraid you were the one taken. 

We all know the story.  The kids on Elm Street are having nightmares about a burned man with knives for fingers.  Dirty green and red sweater - check.  Fedora hat - check.  Razor blade glove - check. Soon enough one of them dies and the race against time is on.  The trick is to stay up as long as possible to figure out what is happening.  The parents don't believe them and one by one we say bye bye to the lot. 

I'm not going to waste much time on this.  I did not like it.  While a second screening did have me more involved in the story we still have the main thing holding back major studio horror films for the last 20 years.  Paper thin characters we just do not care about.  Slap together some b-list twenty-something hotties, add a dash of jump scares, remove all tension and presto!  Horror remake movie is done.  Only the whole thing was cooked from jump street. 

ooohhh Scary!

  

So our kids figure out that this man may or may not have violated them years ago and the parents took to vigilante justice.  Burning him alive, in one of the movies more effective scenes.  The big twist here was the story tried to make you think Freddy was innocent for a portion of the running time.  An admirable idea but it was very quickly discarded and good ole Freddy really is the monster he appears to be.  I would have used this idea earlier in the movie then use the truth when they did.  The people behind this said all along it was a re-imagining and not a true remake.  If this was the case who ever imagined this mess needs to find a dictionary.  It was a play by play of the original only extremly less entertaining.  Which leads me to the last thing I want to mention about this new A Nightmare On Elm Street...

They are practically giving you the finger!

Yep, I will never understand this one.  Unlike other horror icons who can hide behind masks, Freddy Kruger was played by Robert England, no mask just great make-up and voice.  Robert became Freddy.  Replacing him was a huge mistake.  I have nothing against Jackie Earle Haley its just too iconic of a role for an audience of people, many who have been with this franchise for 25 years, to go and make this change.  I understand the filmmakers wanting to put there own stamp on the proceedings but Robert would have upped the fear factor in an otherwise fright-less 95 minutes. 

Being part of the 'Big Three' of horror icons so many have grown up with I feel I should note this.  The Halloween remake took a chance to be different and while many did not like the outcome I commend Rob Zombie for the efforts, it was not a brainless hack job.  Friday the 13th is too hard to screw up.  Put a hockey mask on a guy, give him a machete and away we go.  Nightmare was always a bit different.  Surreal in nature and not sure what was true or a dream and finding out that the dream is a deadly reality. (huh?)

So the remake train keeps going and in its path there has been many more losers than winners.  A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010 takes a masterful film and forgets what made it so damn good in the first place.  These filmmakers think they can bankroll a big name property with nameless kids, yes-men directors and meandering stories built off of people who once cared about the genre.  All they want is a big box office opening weekend and it will rent like crazy.  A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010 did just that but it will be forgotten just as quick.  Go watch the original to see how it is really done. 

1 Crowe out of 4